The Real Story

I wasn’t always overweight. I was an average sized child and teenager. Many of my relatives were overweight, but it was never a real issue with me. My mother was overweight and I remember her trying different diets and going to a gym occasionally. She managed to give me her weight issues. She would call me “thunder thighs” and “hippo hips” constantly when I was a teenager. I believed I was enormous when in reality I was an average size 6-8. I even drank Slimfast shakes when I was 14 years old. Even when I started college, I was an average size and shape. I was in plays in school and the community and loving all the attention. That would all change.

By the time I turned 21 years old, I went into a deep depression and turned to alcohol and food to cope. What I didn’t realize at the time was that I was gaining weight in order to hide. I was small, pretty, and in the spotlight all the time. In gaining the weight, I would be fat and ugly and not apt to be taken advantage of. All it did was make me dislike myself and retreat from people, plays and singing. I even dropped out of college in my last semester.

Throughout the years I’ve tried different diets. I had some success with Weight Watchers in 2003, but I haven’t been able to keep the weight off. I would keep turning to food to comfort myself when upset. I believe weight loss will never happen without the entire mind, body, spirit connection happening. I wasn’t ready to pull it all together then.

I finally finished my BA in Behavioral Studies in 2005 at 30 years old. The college hired me and things started looking up for the first time in my life. I started getting back into singing. I was working out my past in counseling. I also have a strong faith in God. So my spirit and my mind were being strengthened, but I was still overweight and out of shape. 

After being laid off from Harvard University in 2008, my life again went through a major depression. I moved all over the place, rented rooms from people, never kept a job longer than 3 months. I was completely depressed and food was my steady companion. Fast food, Chinese food, pasta, bread - nothing healthy and nothing helping. 

I was at my heaviest I have ever been last year. I guess to be completely honest I have to post my weight. I hit 250 pounds. And that is a huge accomplishment even posting the number, because it's something I am ashamed of. I can't believe I let myself get to weigh so much. But I don't want to beat myself up over it...because I'm really good at that! So I keep applying to weight loss projects on Dr. Oz. Thankfully I got into one now! And it is not only changing the way I eat dramatically, it is also changing the way I look at what I eat. I have been able to eat out while still sticking to this 2 week diet. I'm searching the internet for different ways to prepare all these vegetables I have to eat. And with social media, facebook & my blog, I have the support and accountability I need to make this successful! 

So to lose almost 10 pounds this past week, has been so amazing for me! To be under 240 pounds is exciting! Of course I totally want some chili cheese fries from Wendy's...but what will that do for me? Make me feel horrible and have regrets. I feel better than I have ever felt before! Whether it's the multivitamin or the healthy food or the happiness that I am losing weight or the Holiday Spirit, or most probably a mixture of everything...it's working for me right now! That's all I have to know. It's working and I feel great!